


Fast Forward, Rewind

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drama, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-23
Updated: 2006-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:13:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8670661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: It's been years since they've parted ways and it seems that everything's changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Fast Forward, Rewind**   
**Summary:** It’s been years since they’ve parted ways and it seems that everything’s changed.  
**Fandom:** RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)   
**Rating:** NC-17   
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen   
**Word Count:** approx. 7,170  
**Warnings:** male/male, sexual scenes   
**Author’s Notes:** I concocted this little ficlet on my way to California and thinking, “Hey, one day, Supernatural will be over. What will happen to Jensen and Jared?” This is the rather slashy approach, but I’m not going to be writing RPG (real person gen) any time soon. Does it even exist? Anyway, this is for my flist because they are twenty kinds of awesome with cherries on top and special thanks to [ ](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/)**unamaga** for listening to me edit this story over MSN, doing a quick read over and falling in love with the idea from the beginning (and also, for giving me the title). ♥   
  
**Part I (Chapter I – Chapter V)**   
  
 

>   
>    
>  **Chapter I**   
>  _Yeah the truth is  
>  That I miss you so_  
>  warning sign : coldplay   
>    
>  Six or seven years ago, he never imagined he’d be here. Well, _still_ here. The coffee was good (it was the only reason he went back) and the location wasn’t too bad either – it wasn’t like he had to worry about the media or paparazzi anymore, like he did at the peak of his career; the place was settled cozily in between Victorian style houses like the place between you’re the rest of your bed and pillow that you find yourself curled into each morning; thick blankets of leaves covering the entrance and leaving the café a welcoming shade of dulled brightness.   
>    
>  Jared has always liked his privacy.   
>    
>  It was raining, as usual, and he was drinking his coffee – black, no cream, a shot of espresso just to keep him awake – as usual. It was virtually empty in the café and Jared didn’t really mind. Again, the privacy. Spending so many of his younger years in the spotlight, every move watched and every word recorded into stone, it was comforting to know that he could let his inhibitions go (to a point – he still had his dignity and a conscience) and finally live. A few years too late, though. Thirty-two was too old, in his personal opinion.   
>    
>  The clicking of his laptop keys were lucid in the quiet café, mingled with distant sounds of cups hitting each other in the kitchen and a song muffled over the radio from the back. Jared was content here, reveling in the tranquility and calm; he never really thought he’d be the one to lead this type of life. He always enjoyed livinh in the fast lane, moving quicker than the times and taking risks that others chided him about – it was who he was, what he was known as, but years of sleeping in a tiny Vancouver apartment, actually struggling to pay the bills and rent (and not taking donations from friends or his parents) had changed him. It wasn’t a bad change, just a change of pace. He decided once it was too late that he had to expect it as life; maybe it would be good for him. It turned out to be.  
>    
>  “Doing good over there, Jared?” asked Marda. She owned the café that Jared liked to call home and he liked to peg himself as her best customer. He had never heard her protest it.  
>    
>  Jared flashed her his accustomed lopsided grin. “Yeah, thanks, Mar.”   
>    
>  Marda nodded curtly, her small face warm and smile genuine. She tore her eyes away from Jared when the door swung open and an icy blast of rain burst in, breaking the dull pound on the windows into the rush of traffic and blowing wind.   
>    
>  For a moment, Jared stopped, pausing over the keys – something felt different. No; _not right_. Like the air had thickened or he had just heard a horrible secret.   
>    
>  Jared’s head shot up when a pair of feet trekked across the wooden floor, heels clicking – Jared could never really resist watching others in the café, especially when he was working on a college term paper – and he caught a glimpse of short cropped hair, a dark golden brown against the faded navy of the jacket. The back was hunched over, shoulders curled in as though the wind was still pounding down on the guy, and Jared never got a chance to see his face. But he knew exactly who it was.   
>    
>  Jared’s fingers curled around his cup and his jaw locked together painfully. He watched as the man leaned across the counter in a way that was all too familiar, reading the menu on the wall and Marda made polite conversation that Jared couldn’t hear. Somehow, his ears were ringing loudly. Jared shook his head to rid of the sound, closing his eyes and rubbing the heels of his hands over his face – he was hallucinating. Mistaken judgment, Jared was sure. It just _couldn’t_ be.   
>    
>  Jared opened his eyes in time to see Marda nod and point to him as she pushed a cup of coffee across the counter and into the man’s waiting hands. Jared’s body went rigid – he could see the freckles sprinkled across the back of the hand even from where he sat, supposedly concealed in his corner.   
>    
>  Slowly, Jensen turned away from Marda, coffee in hand and the other moving to his jacket pocket. He froze, hand hanging helplessly mid-air, when their eyes met and it seemed time hung in the air, like it was waiting for someone to tell it to move but no one had the heart to.   
>    
>  “Hey,” Jensen said, his voice mysteriously connecting in Jared’s mind; it was smooth and low, rumbling across syllables and catching on sounds so it dragged out nice and slow.   
>    
>  And for the life of him, of all the things he’s wanted to scream at Jensen for so many years, Jared couldn’t think of what to say.   
>    
>  Jensen pulled a chair from one of the nearby tables and pushed it to sit opposite of Jared. He sat down with a certain ease and grace that Jared didn’t recognize in his old friend – he sat with his back against the chair and legs pulled together, where Jared remembered the man would slouch in his chair and his legs would always be straddled across the chair, saying his mama never taught him right. Jensen stared down into his cup for a moment, his thumb running across the rim before he took a deep breathe and put on a forced smile.   
>    
>  “How are you?” Jensen asked. It was a vain attempt to get over the fact that he was actually there, not like in the dreams Jared had had the months after Jensen was really gone, but it wasn’t working well anyway.   
>    
>  Jared opened and closed his mouth, but no sound came. He lowered his head to look at his own cup, where his hand was still clutched around the cup and knuckles going white.   
>    
>  “Sorry I surprised you,” Jensen laughed, but it didn’t sound at all like Jensen; at least, not the one Jared remembered. “I’m just here filming.”   
>    
>  “It’s okay,” Jared squeaked and cleared his throat. “I mean… yeah.” He shrugged.   
>    
>  Jensen smiled; it never reached the rest of his face. “So, how are you?”   
>    
>  “I’m… good.” Jared didn’t know whether or not he was ready for a full on conversation about the last few years of his life with, now, a complete stranger. “You?”   
>    
>  “All right,” Jensen answered meekly and everything settled back into uncomfortable silence. Minutes slowly seemed dissect themselves into something slower than time – in the background, Marda busied herself with wiping off the counters, but Jared could tell she was trying to hear what they were saying, or lack thereof.   
>    
>  Unable to stand it much longer, Jared quickly began packing up his things; he shut his laptop and pulled his coat on in one swift movement before Jensen could even open his mouth.   
>    
>  Jared stood up, tucking his laptop under his arm, and Jensen stood too, stepping in front of Jared to block his path. Jensen looked slightly embarrassed and backed away so Jared could walk around him.   
>    
>  “I’ve got – I’ve got to go pick up some stuff,” Jared said quietly, ducking his head so he didn’t have to look Jensen in the eye.   
>    
>  Jensen looked mildly surprised. “Oh, okay.”   
>    
>  Jared was out the door, hit with a face full of Pacific Ocean rain, before Jensen could stop him. He walked the entire eight blocks back to his apartment holding his wind-breaker tight to his body and muttering under his breath, looking over his shoulder to see if Jensen was following. He never came and like Jared was honestly shocked. When Jared got to his apartment, he threw his laptop down on the counter, paced the living room for a few minutes before falling to his knees and digging his hands into his eyes.   
>    
>  Jared couldn’t understand why Jensen was back – they hadn’t spoken in _years_ and sure, Jared had tried, but Jensen never replied to his letters or returned his numerous calls. Jared had given up long ago on trying to reel Jensen back, coming to terms that maybe what they had during Supernatural was just a slow, bittersweet moment in time and he had to move on. It was difficult because Jared never really wanted to move on, but Jensen had done it quickly and successfully, dragging some fame and fortune behind him.   
>    
>  Jared backed up against the nearest wall, pulling his knees close to his chest and resting his forehead on his knees, breathing deeply to calm himself. _In and out, in and out._  
>    
>  He wasn’t ready to see Jensen again; not after everything Jensen had become while Jared stayed behind and gave him the chance to do everything they both ever dreamed of. Only one of them was destined to make it big and Jared was willing to give it all up because then, he thought he really loved Jensen. He was different; rigid and what came off as sophisticated but Jared knew as nerves, thanks to all the publicity parties and movie premieres and fucking _fame_. His smile never reached his face anymore and even in the few pictures Jared let himself glance at, Jensen never looked like the childish man that grazed onto set each day and held Jared close whenever he could manage.   
>    
>  Something gripped tight in Jared’s chest as the feel of Jensen washed over him – a memory he considered a curse more than a luxury or a gift – and he found it hard to breathe. Jared didn’t like to believe it, but his mama always warned him: _Hollywood changes people. Sometimes, you never get them back._ He always thought Jensen was above all that.   
>    
>   


	2. Chapter 1

**Fast Forward, Rewind**   
**Summary:** It’s been years since they’ve parted ways and it seems that everything’s changed.  
**Fandom:** RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)   
**Rating:** NC-17   
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen   
**Word Count:** approx. 7,170  
**Warnings:** male/male, sexual scenes   
**Author’s Notes:** I concocted this little ficlet on my way to California and thinking, “Hey, one day, Supernatural will be over. What will happen to Jensen and Jared?” This is the rather slashy approach, but I’m not going to be writing RPG (real person gen) any time soon. Does it even exist? Anyway, this is for my flist because they are twenty kinds of awesome with cherries on top and special thanks to [ ](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/)**unamaga** for listening to me edit this story over MSN, doing a quick read over and falling in love with the idea from the beginning (and also, for giving me the title). ♥   
  
**Part I (Chapter I – Chapter V)**   
  
 

>   
>    
>  **Chapter II**   
>  _Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?  
>  I don’t love him, winter just wasn’t my season_  
>  \- breathe : anna nalick  
>    
>  “Jared? God, I hope this is the right number – this is the _tenth_ message I’ve left and you still haven’t answered me. If it is you. Anyway, please call me on my cell. I just want to catch up – I’m here for a few weeks, shooting my next movie, and I just thought it would be a good opportunity to see an old friend. How about supper? Call me back. Please.”   
>    
>  Jared’s hand shot up from where he lay on the floor, hit the phone to the floor and it beeped, and began playing the messages from the beginning. He rolled over onto his stomach, groaning and listened to Jensen’s voice move through the speakers, all traces of what was left of his Texan accent gone. Jared felt like crying.   
>    
>  “… call me at 586-4925. Jared, I’m begging you – I know it’s been a few years and we’ve never really talked since Supernatural ended but is it a crime that I missed talking to you?”   
>    
>  “Liar,” Jared muttered into the carpet.   
>    
>  There was another ominous beep, signaling another forlorn attempt at getting through to Jared. “Jared, you are a stubborn son of a bitch. Pick up the damn phone, I know you’re there. And if you say the Mets are playing, I’ll kick your ass because they’re not. Call me.”   
>    
>  Each message got more desperate, more tempered as Jared went over them, as though he could decode them and find out what Jensen _really_ wanted because Jared just knew there was something else.  
>    
>  “… and I just thought it would be a good opportunity to see an old friend -”   
>    
>  Jared kicked out blindly until he felt his heel contact with the phone, disconnecting it from the wall. Jensen voice was cut off immediately and the apartment suddenly seemed bigger than it really was.   
>    
>  Jared pushed himself from the floor, shuffled to his tiny kitchen, and found his cell phone. His thumb rested over the scroll button – Jensen’s old number was still programmed into his phone, right at the beginning of the list. He was going to have to delete it one day soon. He scrolled down the list until he found Chad’s number, forgetting Jensen momentarily. Bringing the phone to his ear, he got the end of the answering machine:   
>    
>  “…I’m too busy to talk or I just don’t like you. Leave me a message and I’ll decide if I want to call you back.”   
>    
>  “Hey Chad. It’s Jared. Call me back when you get this –”   
>    
>  “What happened?” Chad demanded suddenly, promptly cutting Jared off.   
>    
>  Jared blinked, mildly surprised. “What?”   
>    
>  “What happened! Shit, do you need me to send you a postcard to spell it out?” Chad sounded a little more than aggravated.   
>    
>  “What do you mean, _what happened_?” Jared repeated dumbly.   
>    
>  “Come on, man, you know I’m filming today! You never _ever_ phone me when I’m filming unless it’s important, remember?” Chad said irritably, but Jared could still catch the undeniable excitement underneath the irritation. “We came to that agreement years ago.”   
>    
>  “Oh, sorry. It slipped my mind.” It really hadn’t – Jared didn’t expect Chad to pick up since he was filming, so he thought of just leaving a message and by the time Chad called back, he would be nicely drunk and loose enough to bitch about Jensen for a few hours and not have to remember it the next morning.   
>    
>  “Because something important happened, it’s okay,” Chad said dismissively.   
>    
>  Jared growled slightly. “Nothing happened! I just wanted to talk,” he muttered; he was picking at the peeling paint on his window sill, looking absently out the window. He watched as droplets of rain traced down his window in awkward patterns and lines and felt more depressed then he would’ve liked to believe.   
>    
>  There was a small pause as though Chad were dissecting the lie; Jared heard him sigh. “You always sucked at lying, Jay.”   
>    
>  “I’m an actor – I lie for a living,” Jared spat defensively.   
>    
>  “Well, you always sucked at that too.” Jared snorted. “And an actors don’t lie, they portray. If you want to lie for a living, be a lawyer or something.”   
>    
>  “Nothing happened,” Jared said in a defeated, tired voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of his phone halfway across the room and the knot in his stomach tightened a little more.   
>    
>  “I heard Jensen’s in town.” Jared was _sure_ Chad had giggled a little.   
>    
>  “Yeah,” Jared said; yeah, Jensen was in town. Jared just wished he hadn’t found out till then, hearing the news from Chad and able to get over past-life drama and compose himself to a point where he wasn’t taking his resentment out on his phone.   
>    
>  “You see him yet?” Chad asked, his excitement seeping through.   
>    
>  “Obviously,” Jared muttered sarcastically.   
>    
>  “What’d you do?”   
>    
>  “Don’t you have to be filming?” Jared asked sternly, hoping Chad would have to leave and he wouldn’t have to try to explain why he left in such a hurry – he couldn’t even understand it himself. Wasn’t it what he had wanted for so long? To see Jensen come back for him or at least make a small appearance in his life one more time?   
>    
>  “I’m on my break,” Chad said hurriedly. “Go on.”   
>    
>  “Whatever. I left him in the coffee shop, went home and I’ve been ignoring all the messages he’s been leaving me.” Jared realized after he said it, it sounded really pathetic. He mentally kicked himself for letting this get to him, but how could he really expect any different?   
>    
>  “Why don’t you talk to him?” Chad seemed utterly bewildered as to why Jared wouldn’t talk to Jensen – maybe, to everyone else, it seemed like the right thing to do, but in Jared’s mind, he would betraying his own promise to himself. What that promise was, he had no clue – he just knew he couldn’t.   
>    
>  “It’s been so long, Chad. He left and that’s it – nothing else. It’s just -” Jared trailed off, not sure of what to say exactly.   
>    
>  “Fuck, you’re such a girl,” Chad muttered quietly.   
>    
>  “Hey!” Jared cried indignantly. Chad was a good friend most of the time, but he could be a real asshole.   
>    
>  “Okay, okay. No, I understand. Take your time. But I still think you should at least talk to him. He _obviously_ made the effort, you can at least try to pretend you’re okay with it.”   
>    
>  Jared had to admit, Chad made a valid point. “Yeah.”   
>    
>  “Talk to you later,” Chad said cheerfully.   
>    
>  “Yeah, bye,” Jared muttered conclusively and snapped the phone shut. He stared out the window for another minute before he wandered over to his discarded answering machine, plugged it back into the wall and listened to the messages again.   
>    
>  \-   
>    
>  “Hey Jensen. It’s Jared. Sorry for getting back so late. I’ve been out of the house for the last little while and I just got your messages. How is tomorrow for you? You can call me back – you know my number. So, talk to you later I guess.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Fast Forward, Rewind**   
**Summary:** It’s been years since they’ve parted ways and it seems that everything’s changed.  
**Fandom:** RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)   
**Rating:** NC-17   
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen   
**Word Count:** approx. 7,170  
**Warnings:** male/male, sexual scenes   
**Author’s Notes:** I concocted this little ficlet on my way to California and thinking, “Hey, one day, Supernatural will be over. What will happen to Jensen and Jared?” This is the rather slashy approach, but I’m not going to be writing RPG (real person gen) any time soon. Does it even exist? Anyway, this is for my flist because they are twenty kinds of awesome with cherries on top and special thanks to [ ](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/)**unamaga** for listening to me edit this story over MSN, doing a quick read over and falling in love with the idea from the beginning (and also, for giving me the title). ♥   
  
**Part I (Chapter I – Chapter V)**   
  
 

>   
>    
>  **Chapter III**   
>  _But now I’m high; running wild among all the stars above  
>  Sometimes it’s hard to believe you remember me_  
>  \- high : james blunt  
>    
>  Jared felt ridiculous. Ridiculous and _naïve_. He had been waiting for an hour, throwing back Gin and tonics and munching away on the restaurant’s complimentary cheese bread. He was stupid to believe that Jensen was _actually_ going to show up on time – it’s Jensen fucking Ackles, the most demanded actor in Hollywood, just like Tom Cruise was before he was crazy. Jared felt like he was being set-up, that it was all a joke – why would Jensen have time for him anyway?   
>    
>  “Jensen _fucking_ Ackles,” Jared muttered bitterly to himself as he knocked back the rest of his drink and crunched down on the ice. A waiter was by his side in seconds.   
>    
>  “Another, sir?”   
>    
>  Jared looked at the glass and shrugged, handing the glass over. “Might as well. Want to forget this night anyway.”   
>    
>  The waiter looked at Jared oddly before smiling lightly and rushing off with the glass, all too pleased to serve. What a life.   
>    
>  Jared rolled his shoulders back and cracked his neck, sighing deeply. He went over in his head, yet again, how he convinced himself that Jensen would be waiting at the table for him when he got there. It wasn’t like Jensen promised he would, but Jared was just led to believe that Jensen hadn’t changed at all and he was still the shy, overgrown ten-year-old with a passion for classic Nintendo and a knack for _always_ being there, even when he didn’t need to be.   
>    
>  But something Jared didn’t take into account is that no matter what, Jensen was still an actor. _Lie for a living._   
>    
>  “Here.” A glass was placed in front of Jared; it seemed a little rude on the waiter’s behalf to talk like that. Jared looked up, ready to tear a strip off the kid, but was frozen when instead he was faced with Jensen’s bright, lazy smile and eyes twinkling in the dim lighting.   
>    
>  “Thanks,” Jared said hotly, taking the glass and immediately drinking half. “Nice of you to join me.” But, honestly, Jared felt the butterflies in his stomach start up again at seeing Jensen.   
>    
>  Jensen had just sat down and was setting his own drink down on the table when Jared had bit out his retort; his head snapped up, all traces of his smile and twinkle and otherwise happiness gone. He looked down and away, laughing dryly, “Yeah, sorry about that. It got late on set.”   
>    
>  “M-hmm,” Jared mumbled around the rim of the glass. He was going to need another drink very soon.   
>    
>  “What’s up with you, Jay?” Jensen asked. The smile on his face was strained and Jared could tell he had Jensen concerned.   
>    
>  “Nothing, just tired,” Jared murmured. He took a deep breath. “So, a movie, eh? Any chance you can tell me what it’s about?”   
>    
>  Jensen eyed Jared suspiciously before he smiled and chuckled a bit. “Nothing major, really. Just a dysfunctional story about a son and his dying father.”   
>    
>  “You the dad?” Jared asked.   
>    
>  Jensen looked hurt. “Hey, I’m not that old!”   
>    
>  Jared grinned around his cup – he had actually meant it.   
>    
>  And it went on like that for awhile; small snippets of their lives consisted of between when they last saw each other and the moments spent in the tiny restaurant spilling out like paint on an empty canvas. Life seemed to move by, not taking notice to the two men as they leaned across the table and laughed about old memories and gave each other the outlines of their lives like a book or a script, waiting to be acted out and shown on the big screen.   
>    
>  Jared eventually – but temporarily, blaming it on his slightly intoxicated frame of mind – forgave Jensen over the remainder of the night and moved onto iced tea and water to sober himself up before he took the long walk back to his apartment. He could let himself forget that Jensen had walked away so many years before, leaving him hanging off what seemed a never ending cliff and Jared jumped, thinking it’d save whatever there was left between him and Jensen. But it seemed like Jared had been falling ever since and Jensen wasn’t ever going to catch him. Jensen suddenly appearing in Vancouver gave Jared a glimmer of hope but not enough for him to forget how far he had fallen.   
>    
>  “So,” Jensen said when the waiter came around with their desert. “How are things between you and Sandy?”   
>    
>  Jared caught himself before he could drop his fork. No one had mentioned Sandy around him since they had broken up and it was a little bit of a shock to hear Jensen talking about them, like they were still together, like nothing had changed. “Um, actually, she’s long gone,” Jared muttered.   
>    
>  “What?” Jensen blurted, his eyes going wide.   
>    
>  Jared chuckled nervously. “Yeah. About two years ago.”   
>    
>  “Oh man, I’m really sorry, digging at old wounds,” Jensen muttered apologetically and looked at his drink.   
>    
>  Jared waved his hand. “Nah, not really an old wound. I’m over it. Was over it a long time ago.” Jared tried to smile, but every time he thought of her –   
>    
>  “What happened?”   
>    
>  “We just went our separate ways,” Jared said and it was a full on lie.   
>    
>  Jensen stared at Jared for a moment, his eyes unblinking. Jared shifted under his gaze. “Uh-huh. So, what really happened?” Jensen asked.   
>    
>  “I’m telling the truth!” Jared cried, indignant.   
>    
>  Jensen grinned, the corner of his lip pulled up. “I can read you like a book, man. We spent too much time together for me…” Jensen trailed off; his shoulders seemed to droop down. Jensen set his fork down and Jared looked away. Tense silence stretched between them.   
>    
>  “Talk about old wounds,” Jared muttered under his breath.   
>    
>  “No doubt,” Jensen agreed, laughing dryly. He leaned back in his chair, carefully avoiding Jared’s eyes – it didn’t really matter since Jared had fixated his attention on a couple feeding each other chocolate cake in the corner of the restaurant. “So, what about Sandy?” Jensen asked after the silence became lighter and it seemed okay to speak without creating more awkwardness.   
>    
>  “She got into the porn business,” Jared said calmly, like he was talking about the weather. It kept him from breaking things from time to time, the subdued calmness.   
>    
>  If Jensen had been drinking something, Jared was sure it would’ve come out through his nose. “ _Seriously_?”   
>    
>  “Yeah, the hard-core stuff.”   
>    
>  “Lucky bastard,” Jensen grinned slyly.   
>    
>  Jared’s stomach coiled. “Hah, yeah. Anyway, she was away filming –” Jared thought about stopping there, just heading right to the conclusion and by-passing all the things he longed to say, but they way Jensen was looking at him, he just kept on. “She said she’d only be a few days. A few days came and went and she never came back. A week passed by and I got worried, so I called her.” Jared winced internally at the memory. “She said she’d been in love with one of the producers for a few months and she was ready to break it off. She didn’t say sorry or anything, just told me she’d come to get her stuff the next week and she hung up.”   
>    
>  Jensen’s face fell in sympathy. “Awe, man, Jay.”   
>    
>  Jared shrugged again because it seemed it was the only thing he could do with his body at that moment. His other option was to punch a hole in the wall at the injustice that the world seemed to favor more to Jared then anyone else. “Chad helped me pack up her stuff and he stayed for a few days. The next few months were hard, but at least I didn’t have to deal with the media or anything. It wasn’t all that bad.”   
>    
>  But it had been truly bad – Jared remembered clearly that all he wanted to do was call Jensen and tell him to fly to Vancouver because, at that moment, Jared felt like he was the only one who could’ve made it all go away or at least make Jared forget for one millisecond.   
>    
>  Jared had settled for finding comfort Chad, which turned out to be less than nothing. He sat in the corner of Jared’s living room, staring vacantly at Jared as he threw Sandy’s things into a box and tried to rid of the sharp throb in his head.   
>    
>  Jared remembered trying to call Jensen, but it would always end with either the number not in service or not being able to get through. He had busted a few phones during those long months. But Jensen didn’t know that.   
>    
>  “At least you got through it unscathed,” Jensen said cheerfully, but it was forced; almost like he knew.   
>    
>  Jared looked at Jensen for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. What about you? Anyone special in your life?” He hopped the venom in his voice wasn’t noticeable – he couldn’t have stopped it if he tried. He didn’t know he still felt the sting of jealousy at the prospect of someone else in Jensen’s life. That may have been partially the reason why he didn’t read tabloids anymore.   
>    
>  “Nope,” Jensen said quickly, raising his glass to his lips. “I’m a free man.”   
>    
>  “Do you ever plan to settle down?”   
>    
>  Jensen shrugged. “Sure, when I find the right person. Right now, I’m enjoying the bachelor life.” Jensen raised his glass in a toast and drank down the last of his vodka and water. Jared sat with his hands tucked safely under his legs.   
>    
>  Jensen was lowering his glass, his impish grin still pulling at the corner of his lips, when he caught Jared’s eyes again. The smile fell from his face and he plunked his glass down. “Are you ready to go?” he asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at Jared.   
>    
>  Jared nodded eagerly – he was more than ready to leave the cramped confides of the restaurant. He needed fresh air to clear his head and at least a few more inches between him and Jensen.   
>    
>  Jensen waved the waiter over and asked for the check; the waiter came back, looking like he had shrunk a foot and held out the checkbook along with what looked like a comment card from the front.   
>    
>  “One of the waitresses wants your autograph, Mr. Ackles,” the waiter murmured, handing over the card.   
>    
>  Jensen grinned lightly. “Sure thing. What’s her name?”   
>    
>  Jared watched with a sharp interest as Jensen scrawled _To Gwen, Love Jensen_ on the back of the comment card and hand it over, along with his credit card. Jared didn’t know he had a sour look on his face until Jensen laughed.   
>    
>  “You miss it.” It was more of a statement then a question and Jared felt his blood boil a little.   
>    
>  “Miss what?” Jared asked airily, like he didn’t know what Jensen was talking about.   
>    
>  Jensen looked over his shoulder to catch a brunette waitress ( Jared guessed it was Gwen) give their waiter a hug – her squeal carried across the room, followed by a string of _thank you, thank you, thank you!_ and _he’s so kind_. Jensen looked back at Jared and asked, “You don’t miss that at all?”   
>    
>  “Can’t say I do,” Jared replied honestly. He didn’t miss it all that much. Some days, when he woke up and laid in bed, wondering about what could’ve been or what he should’ve done; if he should’ve kept acting, he if should’ve followed Jensen to Los Angeles… if it could’ve made a difference in the long run. He learned to stop thinking like that because it was far too late to change it.   
>    
>  Jensen eyed Jared as they walked out of the restaurant and towards his rental car. They didn’t talk; Jared was sure there was more to say, but he couldn’t get the words to form on his tongue. He stood silently, leaning against a lamppost, as Jensen dug the keys out of his pocket and walked around to the drivers’ side.   
>    
>  “I’ll… see you later, I guess,” Jared said, his voice cracking oddly. He looked away, embarrassed, when Jensen looked up.  
>    
>  “Where are you going?”  
>    
>  Jared blinked stupidly. “Home,” he answered slowly.  
>    
>  They stared at each other for a moment, waiting for the other to speak. Jensen straightened himself up and Jared shifted uncomfortably on the sidewalk.   
>    
>  “Let me drive you home,” Jensen offered.  
>    
>  “It’s not really that far,” Jared said, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder. It was actually quit a walk – he ended up talking the metro and a cab to get to the restaurant.   
>    
>  “I insist. I kept you waiting and…” Jensen trailed off. “Stop being stubborn and get in.” Jensen opened the car door, the lights coming on and the musical ding echoed through the street. Jared seemed to have no other choice but to get in.  
>    
>  “I half expected you have a chauffeur,” Jared said as soon as Jensen had pulled out onto the road and neon lights began blurring in the window.  
>    
>  Jensen’s laughter filled the small car. “Just because I’m famous doesn’t mean I have people wipe my ass.”  
>    
>  They drove in silence; Jared watched the mixture of blue’s and red’s and orange’s mix into one, blurred into one continuous line that never faltered or broke. Occasionally the stream was stopped when they came to a red light or a corner, but Jared wondered if this is what it must feel like to fly. Even though he was sitting in a car, traveling through the night of Vancouver with a perfect stranger jumping back into his life, he felt like he was completely alone and he had stretched his arms out and had taken flight.  
>    
>  “I’m glad you finally cut your hair.”  
>    
>  Jared’s head slowly turned to look at Jensen – that’s what it must’ve felt like to come crashing back to reality where you weren’t permitted to fly.   
>    
>  Still, he ran his hands subconsciously over his head, feeling the short locks of hair lift off his scalp and fall neatly back into place. “I only cut it a few months ago,” he said sheepishly.   
>    
>  “It looks good on you,” Jensen reassured, smiling gently.  
>    
>  “Thanks,” Jared murmured.   
>    
>  It wasn’t until then that Jared actually looked at Jensen fully – Jared wondered if he, himself, looked different as soon as he was spotted in the café. He wondered if his goofy grin didn’t fit his face, if the soft lines had turned hard and coarse over the years they had been separated, if his eyes drooped like he expected them to. He never noticed the subtle changes in his daily appearance until it was many months along and it showed prominently the affects of old age, but Jensen must have.  
>    
>  Jensen didn’t look any older. At least not to Jared. His freckles were still the first thing he noticed and Jared thought after all the years of fumes and exhaustion and make-up, his face would be deteriorating or look slightly different due to plastic surgery and advanced dermatology. God knows he could afford it. But Jensen looked no different, no older, than the day he boarded his plane to California and never came back. He just looked a little wizened, his eyes sparkling like fire in the dull glow of neon, like he knew the world better than anyone.  
>    
>  It was another half-hour until Jared could begin give directions from the main road to his apartment block and even after that, it was an extra twenty minutes. Jensen coasted to a stop in front of the building and as Jared was unbuckling his seatbelt, he murmured, “Yeah that was just a hop, skip and a jump away.”  
>    
>  Jared clamped his mouth together, feeling slightly more embarrassed, as he undid his seatbelt and untangled himself from the imaginary mess he saw himself in.   
>    
>  “This still the same place you had during Supernatural?” The ease in which Jensen talked about it ticked Jared off a little – _he_ hadn’t spoken about Supernatural for years. He did interviews when he appeared as a cameo and only answered so many questions until he just shook his head, smiled kindly and said, _It’s old news._  
>    
>  “No. After Sandy and I broke up, I moved out,” Jared said and Jensen gave him a questioning look. “I couldn’t afford the rent – she brought in all the money.”  
>    
>  “You don’t act anymore,” Jensen muttered and looked out the window. Jared wondered if this fact hurt Jensen personally but Jared couldn’t think why.  
>    
>  “I do some commercials. I’ve also been in a few small movies and TV shows, but nothing major. I got a job and I’m at college right now.”  
>    
>  Jensen’s head snapped away from the window and he was grinning.  
>    
>  “What?” Jared asked skeptically.  
>    
>  Jensen studied Jared for a moment before he tilted his head slightly to the side. “You’re still kind of like Sam, you know,” Jensen mused.   
>    
>  Jared wrenched the car door open, surprising both himself and Jensen out of their dazed stupor; he’d had enough for one night. Just talking about Supernatural in general made his head spin, let alone with Jensen. It was too much. “I’d better go, I have work tomorrow,” Jared said as he climbed out of the car and scrambled to the sidewalk.  
>    
>  “Do you want a ride?” Jensen offered for the second time that night – this time, though, Jared had a choice.  
>    
>  “No, it’s not that far,” Jared lied quickly. It was damn far.  
>    
>  “Just like you’re apartment?” Jensen raised his eyebrows and Jared sighed. “Come on.”  
>    
>  Jared stood on the sidewalk, staring down into the car at Jensen’s illuminated face and his eyes dance with sinful delight. “Fine. Be here at seven.”  
>    
>  Jensen brought two fingers to his forehead and did a Boy Scout’s salute. “Yes sir,” he mumbled. Jared let himself smile. “Night, Jared.”  
>    
>  “Bye Jen.” Jared found himself using the age-old nickname. He hadn’t said Jen in years and both he and Jensen found themselves stopping for a second. Jensen smiled once again and drove off with a wave off his hand.   
>    
>  Jared stood on the sidewalk until he couldn’t see the red blink of taillights in the distance.


	4. Chapter 4

**Fast Forward, Rewind**   
**Summary:** It’s been years since they’ve parted ways and it seems that everything’s changed.  
**Fandom:** RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)   
**Rating:** NC-17   
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen   
**Word Count:** approx. 7,170  
**Warnings:** male/male, sexual scenes   
**Author’s Notes:** I concocted this little ficlet on my way to California and thinking, “Hey, one day, Supernatural will be over. What will happen to Jensen and Jared?” This is the rather slashy approach, but I’m not going to be writing RPG (real person gen) any time soon. Does it even exist? Anyway, this is for my flist because they are twenty kinds of awesome with cherries on top and special thanks to [ ](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/)**unamaga** for listening to me edit this story over MSN, doing a quick read over and falling in love with the idea from the beginning (and also, for giving me the title). ♥   
  
**Part I (Chapter I – Chapter V)**   
  
 

>   
>    
>  **Chapter IV**  
>  _Underwater I wrote drowning  
>  I use to be such good good swimmer_  
>  \- underwater : tegan and sara  
>    
>  It was eight in the morning and Jared’s eyes itched with tiredness. He had been up since six AM the following day, waiting to see if Jensen actually made it on time. He had, right at seven and with coffee and donuts in hand, reminding Jared of when they would carpool to set each morning. Jared didn’t know how he could really stay mad at Jensen – it was just something about the guy that always got him.   
>    
>  But, it was still incredibly early and his day had been long and he still wasn’t thinking about going to bed. He wasn’t even halfway through the second DVD set.   
>    
>  The phone rang, causing Jared to jump out of his chair, startled by the foreign noise, and scramble to the phone. The side was chipped from when he had kicked it off the hook – it seemed like months ago. It had only been a few days.  
>    
>  “Hello,” Jared muttered in pseudo-polite voice.  
>    
>  “How’d it go?” came Chad’s eccentric voice; the joy wasn’t even muffled over the phone.  
>    
>  “Is your life really that boring that you are that eager to hear how my date went?” Jared muttered darkly, but he carried the phone to his chair and sat down again. His attention jumped back and forth between the conversation and the television.   
>    
>  “Oh, it’s a _date_ now?” Chad catcalled.   
>    
>  “Chad.” It was Jared’s first warning – a sleepy but stern voice not risen above his normal level. Chad usually shut himself up after the first warning, but it went better with Jared’s contempt glare.  
>    
>  “I want you to feel special. So, did your nuts explode and you ran off again?”   
>    
>  “ _Chad_.” It was the second warning – a little higher in tone, but no less or no more stern and he sounded a little more awake. He felt more awake, stiffening in his seat as he watched the screen, his eyes flickering as the two men fought over family issues.  
>    
>  “Did he get any?” Chad gasped. “No, _no_. Did _you_ get any?”  
>    
>  “Chad!” Jared screamed. “Shut _up_!”  
>    
>  There was a long pause in which the voices on the TV grew louder and more fevered and Chad remained quiet. Jared calmed his breathing.   
>    
>  “What are you watching?” Chad asked sullenly.  
>    
>  Jared blanched and curled his fingers into the chair’s armrest. “It’s –”  
>    
>  “Are you watching _Supernatural_?” Chad asked with an audible gasp.  
>    
>  “There was nothing else on,” Jared said quickly.   
>    
>  There had been plenty on, but that night when he got home from work he had been digging around his closet when a shoebox dropped off the top shelf and onto his head. Cursing, he had picked it up, mechanically brushed off the dust and found the contents inside to be somewhat mocking. All his DVD season sets of Supernatural were tucked safely away, forgotten and in perfect condition. For a moment, he considered autographing them and selling them on eBay (he was sure _someone_ out there would buy them) but instead he stuck the first disc of season one in his DVD player and he had been watching continuously ever since.  
>    
>  “Longing for what you can’t have?” Chad cooed.  
>    
>  Jared hung up the phone. A couple seconds later, it rang and he picked it up roughly.  
>    
>  “I’m sorry,” Chad muttered.  
>    
>  Jared snorted. “You’re not.”  
>    
>  “Fine, I’m really not, but you know it’s pathetic, right?” Chad hissed like Jared had committed a serious crime and it wasn’t talked about anywhere. It was just too sad to talk about the poor Padalecki boy who died of exhaustion from watching Supernatural and, according to sources, pinning over his ex co-star. Their love was so tragic.  
>    
>  “Chad, _Jesus_. I’m just watching it just _because_. You bought One Tree Hill sets to stare at yourself and all your glory,” Jared bit out.  
>    
>  “And it was damn well worth it,” Chad chided. “Look, if you want to stare at him, it’d be a little less obsessive if you did where he could _see_ you.”  
>    
>  “I’m not pathetic,” Jared muttered. His attention turned back to the TV – Jensen, as Dean, had just told him, as Sam, something. His face had fallen incredibly and he looked like he had just been hit across the face with a rather spontaneous punch – Jared was sure that’s what his exact reaction was when he watched Jensen’s plane take off from the airport.  
>    
>  “You’re gonna cry. Jesus, I’m gone. Call me when you grow a dick.” Chad hung up and silence rang in Jared’s ear for a moment before Dean leaned forward on the screen, his hand resting lightly on Sam’s shoulder. Jared’s hand moved protectively to his own shoulder.  
>    
>  “You know I’m never going to leave you, Sam, right? No matter what.”  
>    
>  And Jared had nodded, believing every word of it.  
>   


	5. Chapter 5

**Fast Forward, Rewind**   
**Summary:** It’s been years since they’ve parted ways and it seems that everything’s changed.  
**Fandom:** RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)   
**Rating:** NC-17   
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen   
**Word Count:** approx. 7,170  
**Warnings:** male/male, sexual scenes   
**Author’s Notes:** I concocted this little ficlet on my way to California and thinking, “Hey, one day, Supernatural will be over. What will happen to Jensen and Jared?” This is the rather slashy approach, but I’m not going to be writing RPG (real person gen) any time soon. Does it even exist? Anyway, this is for my flist because they are twenty kinds of awesome with cherries on top and special thanks to [ ](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://unamaga.livejournal.com/)**unamaga** for listening to me edit this story over MSN, doing a quick read over and falling in love with the idea from the beginning (and also, for giving me the title). ♥   
  
**Part I (Chapter I – Chapter V)**   
  
 

>   
>    
>   

**Chapter V**  
_You find your way back down.  
And I'll keep the area clear_  
\- clear the area : imogen heap  
  
Jared knows better than anyone to get his hopes for anything. He was taught to be patient, take things in stride and never give yourself more credit than you deserve until you know for sure that you deserve it. He’s been like that ever since grade school – he never gave himself high hopes for getting onto the football team or to get an A on his next Math quiz. When he went to Hollywood, he never let himself gloat about an audition – not until he got a phone call from his agent, verifying that he did get in.   
  
So he wasn’t letting himself the chance to let his stomach dance or his hands shake when he saw Jensen until he was sure he was in the clear. Until he was positive that he could get to Jensen, error free, and not have to fall harder on the second time down. It always hurts more the second time around.   
  
But Jared found that also the second time around for falling in love was even worse. Over the next few weeks, it was like the past seven years never mattered. It was like Jensen was the only one to ever pass through Jared’s life, like nothing had mattered up until the minute Jensen had made his way back in.   
  
At first, Jared thought it was the grace in which in Jensen carried himself, such an ease. It wasn’t until staring at him across the table in a tantalizingly slow moment that he felt the same breathless, strangled feeling that you only get when your heart is beating too fast for your body to keep up. It was like the first time he saw Jensen, their first meeting, and the only thought that crossed Jared’s mind was: _yeah, I could see myself with him for the rest of my life._  
  
“Do you remember when we first met?” Jared blurted one day, on the way back from work. Jensen had taken it as his duty to drive Jared back to his apartment when he could get off set.  
  
Jensen tilted his head to the side, as though concentrating on trying to find the memory. “You mean on set?”   
  
“Yeah,” Jared said quietly. He laughed lightly. “I could barely say hi.”  
  
Jensen smiled wryly. “Running over the script wasn’t much better. All the stuttering I did.”  
  
And it was left at that, like they had been talking about the weather and not the beginning of what they thought would’ve been the rest of their lives. Jared tried to pick the conversation up again but there was nowhere to go from there; the awkwardness of that day had traveled with them, still resting deep inside like a bomb waiting to explode. Jared never thought it would resurface – he thought he would never have had to let Jensen go.  
  
But he wasn’t letting himself get too attached. Even if there was nothing between them, if it was just friendship and acquaintances, Jared could never let go of Jensen a second time. He knew he had too – Jensen wasn’t going to stick around Vancouver forever.   
  
“When will I get to visit you on set?” Jared teased another day. They were in the coffee shop, Marda serving them black coffees, and the tension between them had finally and gradually lifted.  
  
“Uh, it’s a private set,” Jensen said, looking modestly at the cup in his hand.   
  
“Oh.” Jared was sure he sounded a little defeated, but he understood right? It was Jensen – Jensen was big, but Jared could never seem to wrap his head around the concept. His mind wouldn’t let him get past the Jensen that was humble in his small amount of fame and enjoyed waking up in the morning to Jared’s dogs sleeping on his chest.   
  
But he understood, since it was understandable, because it’s Jensen Ackles. And Jensen was now open for the world to enjoy, not just Jared.  
  
-


End file.
